Airline Safety Cards

Note: With two notable exceptions below, I always ask one of the flight crew if I can take an airline safety card.

Do I really want to take an airline safety card as a souvenir?  They’re typically cooped up in one of those seat-back pockets, probably the nastiest place on a plane – save for the loo/next to anyone eating Macca’s – to place your electronics/reading material/children/etc.  Not to mention, they have those please do not remove from the aircraft labels…well, that’s why you ask first.

But I enjoy the various languages written on them, the amusing graphics, and from time to time, review them to see the bizarre and unique airlines and aircraft types I’ve tried out.

As a shoutout to COVID-19, let’s travel vicariously through some airline safety cards:

airline-safety-card-continental-dc-10As stated above, this is one of those that I didn’t ask to take…likely because I was a little snot way back then.

But, why does this one deserve recognition?  One, it’s the oldest airline safety card in my pile (that’s where “5/94” comes in).  Two, Continental doesn’t exist anymore.  ThreeDC-10s no longer offer scheduled passenger flights.  Four, how nice of them to include Italian in the olden days.

airline-safety-card-adam-air-boeing-737-400-1I took one flight with the bygone Adam Air, between Bali DPS and Jakarta CGK.  The Merpati (another defunct Indonesian carrier) staff at DPS helped me buy this ticket, due to some overeager flooding causing capacity issues at Jakarta airport that weekend.

It’s also one of the few flights from 2008 and earlier that I vividly remember.  Inside the plane, there was duct tape liberally used to hold various parts/doors together.  Pieces of my seat were missing, and the plane rattled from take-off to touchdown.  Might as well thrown in a couple more photos of Adam Air, because it seemed that they were doomed from day one.

adam-air-dps-cgk-2adam-air-dps-cgk-1In fact, just a month after my trip, due to a variety of sordid affairs, they ceased operations.

airline-safety-card-american-airlines-dc-9-80-s80Taken from two American Airlines “Super 80s,” or DC-9-80s’.  The logo may have changed, but the stale and unwelcoming interior remains constant.

Would be even weirder if these two cards are from the same plane, just years apart.

airline-safety-card-air-asia-boeing-737-300-2Way to go, Air Asia.  Your retrofitting of this safety card really instills confidence in me…

airline-safety-card-air-asia-boeing-737-300-1Oh.  That’ll do.

airline-safety-card-garuda-indonesia-crj1000This CRJ1000 card from Garuda Indonesia is the newest (in terms of aircraft age) in my collection.

Though, hah, I have some pretty bad luck flying from Bali, as this particular flight had to return to Bali airport to refuel. In other words, the routing was Bali-Bali.

airline-safety-card-air-koryo-tupolev-134The pièce de résistance- an airline safety card from a Tupolev 134 of North Korea’s Air Koryo. Definitely didn’t ask permission to take this one. Furthermore, it’s the only Soviet-made plane with a presence in my archives, and it’s one of two Soviet jets that I’ve flown (the other – also with Air Koryo – was an Ilyushin 62).


Sure, some of these airline safety cards have amusing graphics, too, but that wasn’t the focus of today’s post.  Though, if you have any photos of unforgettable cards that you’d like to submit, let me know!

Airline Route Map Rhetoric

Before starting to read books (this is ongoing), I chose maps.   That’s right, I can point out where all of the worlds Guineas are (what a novelty).  In fact, I participated in a couple of state geography bees (harsh reality?), but am still lamenting over not applying for a spot on Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? Contestants who were sent to place buzzers on the then-newly independent CIS states were perpetually bingung, rather, confused (sorry, haven’t written something in Indonesian for a while).

A predilection for cartographic creations has helped make flights seem less long, especially when the only movie offerings are Drop Dead Fred or The Room.  Having a pen makes it even more pleasant, as I get to gerrymander US states or Cypriot regions to the toot of my own horn (note: haven’t done this yet).  Remember when Iran was upset about National Geographic magazine calling it the Arabian Gulf instead of the Persian Gulf?  I don’t have a problem with the complaint, but just as thought-provoking, if less well-known, is that (Western) airlines generally used to added a suffix to their names in order to be able to fly to both China and Taiwan.  The Dutch airline KLM for example stayed that way on flights to the mainland, but was called KLM Asia to the latter.

This will probably be a thread I’ll continually update, once I’m able to find the Delta inflight magazine that showed Kampuchea instead of Cambodia, or the one where Xian, China is listed as the more archaic Chang’an.  Until those encounters happen, take a peek at the oddities, sometimes controversial, sometimes just …odd.  -ities:

The red lines stand for code-share flights, in other words not those actually operated by China Southern (airline code CZ), but a lot happens when you’ve been abroad for about a year.  Minneapolis relocates to Canada, south Florida travels back to 1995 and Maori Island becomes a misnomer.

China Southern Airlines (CZ) Nationalism

Juicy stuff here.  The Senkaku Islands(or as China calls them, the D/Tiaoyu Islands) AND the South China archipelago, (not to mention Taiwan- but that’s a been there, done that), are clearly in attendance on this page of the China Southern route map.  Might as well add “Africa” and the Solomon Islands to that map too…

El Al Route Map

El Al (LY), an Israeli/whatever airline, understandably can’t just overfly certain countries.  Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Iran (would you ever guess???)  Thus, their long-haul routes become that much more long-haul.  Say, when flying from Tel Aviv to Johannesburg, they have stay right over the Red Sea, and on their Bangkok route, well, ouch.  But this recent news of potential Dubai-Tel Aviv flights might be the black swan moment in their route map’s history…

Etihad, Abu Dhabi AUH- Jakarta CGK “World Map”

Etihad (EY) of the United Arab Emirates went a bit overboard.  I was flying from Abu Dhabi to Jakarta, but they generously wanted to impress me with their knowledge of world geography.  Because what’s going on in Brasilia is directly going to affect my flight over the Bay of Bengal.  Good thing they don’t have any domestic routes.

China Airlines, TPE-HNL

If you squint well enough, you can see…the ocean.  Taipei-Honolulu, another route I’m not sure why I took.

East/West Seas, Asiana In-flight Map

This one’s got two-in-the-hand!  The West Sea is what the Korean Peninsula terms the Yellow Sea, nothing too offensive.  But the East Sea.  Well, in another never-ending spat with Japan, the Koreas can’t possibly agree with the Sea of Japan, so they just used their/an imagination.  By the way, the Sea of Japan has some delicious Echizen crab…

Maybe all airlines should just take a page from Oman Air’s book, and only label the origin and destination points:

Oman Air, Bangkok BKK to Muscat MCT, 2019

Have you noticed anything “nuanced” on airline route/in-flight maps?

Window or Aisle?

There doesn’t seem to be any good seat in economy class.  Window seats force you to play Twister in case you need to get up for anything; aisle seats mean bags may fall on you whenever the overhead is opened, someone is going to impel you to stand in the aisle once everyone can disembark, your elbow becomes a bullseye for drink carts, and sometimes a giant metal box is under the seat in front of you, c/o in-flight entertainment (IFE); a middle seat has barely any of those issues, phew, except good luck trying to free a limb to do anything.  Not to mention, don’t you get such a kick out of when the check-in agent says the flight is “very, VERY full,” “completely full” or the ingeniously crafted “full,” only to realize that there are seats still unoccupied?  Heck, on some US flights, they will charge you to switch to certain “Economy Plus” seats…are those for extra legroom, or less COVID exposure?

Hey now, then why do I always choose an aisle seat, given the non-exhaustive list of negatives above?  I like wandering about, hitting up the galley where frozen apples and bananas are available to all, sometimes chatting with flight attendants (who are also often frozen) and joining in the elderly Japanese folks who always manage to establish a pop-up gymnasium in the back.  Also, bowing to slight irony, using my knowledge of geography (…and with some assistance from the in-flight map, if available), I’d trek to one of the emergency exit doors to peer out the window.  Why not just choose a window seat then?  I’d make enemies for life with my restless legs and prevailing Middle Eastern countenance.

Just like non-smoking rooms at a Chinese hotel couldn’t be further from the truth, you don’t always have a choice in where you sit on a plane.  Nevertheless, for flights less 3.5 hours, I will attempt a window seat, in order to get views like these:

United Airlines (NRT-HKG)- Mt. Fuji
United Airlines (NRT-HKG)- Mt. Fuji, 2013
Air Dolomiti (CTA-MUC)- Catania & Mt. Etna
Air Dolomiti (CTA-MUC)- Catania & Mt. Etna, 2014
Leaving JFK with a starboard view of the Manhattan skyline, 2019
Taking in the beautiful karst scenery of Zhangjiajie, Hunan Province, 2019
Flying over a Gobi desert wind farm, Mongolia, 2019

Oh, let’s not forget, if you’re seated at the window, you get to use your whole noggin to peer out, so that no one else has a chance of seeing anything.  Never mind that merely sitting still will get you nearly the same view…

Where do YOU like to sit?

Even a Bad Airline Meal Meant You Were Traveling

As a former frequent leisure traveler, this COVID-19 pandemic is a real cliché dust-creator for passports.   Nevertheless, I wanted to reflect on a few airline meals, that stood out not for being good, but just because even unpleasant in-flight service meant that you were traveling somewhere.
Emirates, DXB-JFK
Baked beans and mushrooms?  Thanks for your contribution, Her Majesty

The US airlines for the most part make it simple these days when flying between and in the fifty states- no free meals in economy class, save for a few cross-country flights.  On the flip side, I guess we can’t blame them for the inevitably inferior quality if they were still serving meals.  Still, if I could get one of those rock-solid pieces of bread with butter, it could tide us over for a spell.  Better to have never received free food in-flight in the first place, because passengers wouldn’t be able to make that their excuse du jour.  Shoot, if I’m going to be stuck on an airplane for any amount of time, I’d rather be eating something I know is good, say a five dollar bottle of Hudson News-water, two Advil or take-out from a Salvadorean restaurant.

Ahh, Salvadorean food.  Sure, airport security in many places wouldn’t permit you to take the condiments– pickled cabbage being the número uno cause of airborne anarchy– through the checkpoints, but I wonder how many people have been introduced to a country’s cuisine based on the airline they were flying.  We’ve already taken a peek at a British breakfast above, but that was with Emirates, which might as well be the 3rd British carrier, but let’s see what kind of hometown pride other airlines have:

American Airlines, MIA-LPB
We’ll begin with the most painful volunteer, American Airlines, from Miami to La Paz, Bolivia.  Did you know that there’s as much fat in that salad dressing as there is in the person in the seat next to you?  Oh, hello rock-solid piece of bread.  La Paz Airport is the second highest in the world, so I couldn’t tell if I was sick because of the altitude or the…wait, is that Vaseline?  I’m getting out of here.

Dragonair, HKG-DACDragonair (now known as Cathay Dragon, based in Hong Kong), Hong Kong to Dhaka.  Never thought you’d see feta cheese and soy-glazed pea pods together?  The most representative Hong Kong food in this picture is the TimeOut chocolate bar.  Why?  It’s produced by Cadbury, a British company.  HK was a British territory from the early 1840s until 1997.  Folks, that’s the best I got…

Sichuan Airlines, CTU-SZX
Sichuan Airlines (based in Chengdu, China), Chengdu to Shenzhen.  Aviation food!  No need for the reminder, alas it’s not so much different from Chinese terra firma food.  That’s a standard Chinese breakfast food on the right, 粥 zhōu, or rice porridge.  In that oh-so-common air-tight packet to its lower left, pickled MSG.  No, it’s pickled daikon, a root vegetable.  If they gave a packet of sunflower seeds instead of pickles, the aisle would become louder than the engines at take-off.

Bangkok Airways, LPQ-BKK

Bangkok Airways, Luang Prabang, Laos to Bangkok, Thailand.  Khao niao, whereas khao=rice and niao=sticky in the Lao language, is present.  That’s the best we can do here.  Are those carrots wrapped in egg?  I have to start prioritizing my memory.

What do you remember most about airline meals?